Type 2 Diabetes Paper

I'm having an awful time narrowing down my thesis for my tissue bio research. I've done a ton of research and have a ton of data, just can't focus in on a good narrow, 8 page topic.

Type 2 diabetes is fascinating to me and it doesn't hurt that it's running rampant in the USA, or does it. I think I've learned too much at this point probably for my research paper. There's so much information out there on the subject because it's so widespread and there's tons of funding.

My paper's going to focus on insulin resistance's effects on skeletal muscle caused by elevated cytokines and chemokines. Not that that's terribly important for most of you but getting that out there helps me organize my thoughts.

I'm really wondering what percentage of my class is awake like me right now...not a small amount, that's for sure.

By the way, this is my second research paper for the week and 2 of 4 for the semester. In case you were wondering, in four weeks I should be a pro at this :)

We're going to miss you Naji

Today we had to put my dog Naji down. So yeah, today was hard and it probably won't seem real until I come home in June and she's not running to the door to meet me. I first met Naji in 7th grade when a former neighbor spent the night at our house when dropping her off at the Charles Schultz Canine Companions School(service dog). At the time I was terrified of dogs but for some reason I connected with her and loved her. Six months later the neighbor called to tell us that Naji had flunked out of school(scared of loud noises) and to remind my parents how much I had loved her. My parents agreed to get her for me! We got her in September 2002, one week before I left for Japan for 8 days. A and I loved her and my parents were thrilled that she came with 28 commands--including peeing on command, a definite bonus. Despite her constant shedding, she was a dang smart dog and we loved her for it. I loved to surprise unknowing friends by having them tell her "lap"--she'd jump up on them with her front paws in their lap. When we'd take her for walks she'd drag us for the first half and then we'd have to drag her the last half. She had the most the sad, pathetic, 'woe is me' face when you'd put her in the shower. She defended my baby niece thinking that she was my niece's mommy, not letting any of the men near her.

We loved her. She stopped eating 2 weeks ago. The vet gave her antibiotics but they didn't help. Today she had an ultrasound and the specialist found a huge tumor on her spleen and told my parents that her abdomen was full of blood. He was shocked that she was still walking and had made it so long. My parents then had to make that heart-wrenching decision, one full of love, of knowing that there's something better and no one deserves to suffer, least of all someone so full of love. I'm going to miss her. We all will, even Haley who batted at her tail and chased her constantly. I'm so grateful for my parents who stayed with her until the end, who made the difficult decision of love. Love you baby girl, bye bye Naji girl <3 <3 <3

ABCs on the brain

Ads: We get SO many ads, I think every store within 30 miles sends us inserts every week. I hate it; it's so much clutter!
Birthday Cards: I need to get back to making a sending them...I stopped because I got busy and thought that no one appreciated them, and I put so much effort in them(I guess a lesson for me on the importance of telling someone thank you, seriously it's 2 words people) but I found out that my niece takes it everywhere with her in the car and does the word search on it. Sincere appreciation really makes all the difference doesn't it?
Cell phone: It's acting up, like last week wouldn't keep a charge for a day and then was fine, so much for the indestructible phone.
Decor: I have such an itch to rearrange our furniture, good thing my mom is coming next week, maybe she can help me get it right
Excellent free food: this definitely went above and beyond thanks to 'Choose to Give,' promotions, nice TA's etc, it included 2 Mcdonald's smoothies, 1 hot dog, 1 hamburger, 1 tritip sandwick with chips, root beer, and brownie, 1 large chocolate chip cookie, 1 chocolate bar doughnut with coconut
Family: We had a new addition this week :) see below
Gross: P took the intake vent cover for the furnace off yesterday. More than 2 inches of solid, packed dust *shudders* probably hasn't been cleaned in decades
Hate: I'm sick of being hated by you. I'm not going anywhere. Grow up!
Ice cream: P and I went and got Creamery ice cream(he got raspberry sherbet, yes raspberry)
Jim Lovell: A teacher(not one of my favorites) brought me a flyer from the administration about the upcoming forum because he remembered me mentioning weeks ago how I love Apollo 13. Seriously, it makes my day and I leave beaming when people surprising me by being that thoughtful
Kids: I finally got asked for the first time when we're planning on having kids; Here's your answer: not for a long time guys, we're both still in school and while some people do it, I'm not that good of a multitasker. I want to be able to be there for my kids, for them to be my number one priority. That being said, I'd absolutely love to be a mom but for now it's not the time.
Library: This is where I will be found this weekend if I stick to my plan
Movie: I watched part of the Princess Diaries and had forgotten so many things about it, lol
Naji: She's super sick, hasn't really eaten in over a week, blood tests show super high WBC counts and super low RBC counts...she's on antibiotics now but not out of the woods.
Overlook: it's amazing the things people overlook, so I'm telling you now, you need to take your quizzes by Friday at 11pm, we're not staying here for summer, I'm a redhead,etc so remember and plan accordingly
Pen: I had a friend give me a pen when I didn't have one in class. I didn't ask either; he just saw me digging through my backpack
Quelf: I really don't understand people's love with this game; both P and my families love it. Maybe it's the fact that we played it the first time I officially met P's family and the first card that I drew was 'put ice down your pants and sing ice, ice baby' how would that be for a good first impression...needless to say I didn't do it and took the penalty.
Research Papers: 1 due tuesday, 1 due friday, 1 outline due tomorrow
Sleep: I'm constantly tired, doesn't matter if I get 5 or 9 hours of sleep, I've abused my Circadian Rhythm too long; maybe I need to become like a little kid and start having a set bedtime and wake up time...wait maybe that's called maturity :)
Tate Logan Foussat: Aly had her baby on March 17th, 7:06pm, 6lb 9oz, 19inches, born on my mom's birthday to follow the trend :) Such a pretty boy! Congratulations!
Umbrella: It's raining today :( at least P picked me up from school
Visits: We are booking flights to Texas for the break between Winter and Spring semester so that we can visit P's family
Watermelon flavored toothpaste: did you know know they made that? I want some...
X: alright so I have to cheat here eXams: my students have two exams this week: I hope they do well. I hope they realize how much I care about them. I really really really want them to do well and hope I've taught them enough.
Year: this time next year, we'll hopefully be accepted to grad school and I'll be on my last set of classes, crazy
Zero: number of meals I have made this week...FAIL (nuked baked potatoes and qusadillas don't count)

Popping out of the Newlywed Bubble?

Here's to popping out of the newlywed bubble! Tonight we went and played games with a couple from P's classes. It was really fun and made me think, why are we so antisocial. I swear, you get married and then just stay at home just the two of you all the time and from what I've heard it's not just us that have that problem, lol. So we're going to do better about that, I just get so anxious about the actually inviting part(yes, pathetic) but I'm going to work on that and thank you to friends for inviting us over. That ended what started out as a not so good the day quite well. So did that day start out not so good?

So you could say I got a new perspective yesterday. We live in a college age married ward, so everyone in the ward is newly-ish married and we have exactly one member of the primary. So, basically everyone goes to the adult Sunday school and sits in their little Noah's ark groupings, two by two and with the whole newlywed thing you can imagine that there's handholding, backrubbing, and whispering to each other.

Well yesterday P went home after sacrament meeting because his stomach was killing him(a combination of ulcers/hiatal hernia from the mission and about 3 servings to many of ice cream the night before). This happens about once a month, last semester culminating in a trip to the insta-care for throwing up blood. Anyway, so I was left to go to Sunday School and the rest of church alone. I sat down and the room filled in. Looking around me, I had empty chairs on either side and everyone else was paired up. I got pretty lonely. It was awful. I got sympathy looks others around me, but no one talked to me. I was fighting to keep back tears the whole first half of the lesson. It didn't help that I had woken up angry about other things going on in my life(I'm blaming daylight savings time).

It was then I began thinking of the people from home whose spouses aren't members or don't come to church and how awful that must be to come to church every week alone and sit there while everyone else is surrounded by family and friends. How easy it would be to become bitter or just not go. Those people must be really strong. I really admire their strength and testimonies because it really is hard, lonely, and awful. These people deal with it their whole lives. I'd never thought of this trial that they have and how strong they are just for keeping with the status quo. So here's to them and hopefully I'll be able to be someone who's there for them, to go up and ask how they're doing, even if we always lie and say good or fine because no one should be alone.

Countdown to Devotional

We get a lot of really good speakers here at BYU. For those of you who don't know, BYU literally shuts down every Tuesday at 11(which really sucks 80% of the time). The food places, all the computer labs, and anything else you can think of; they all close from 11-12. During this time, BYU holds a forum and and everyone is supposed to attend or watch on it on close circuit TV. Anyway, as I said we've had some really really cool speakers over the past 3 years that I've been here: Senator Reid(probably an attempt at saving face after having Cheney for graduation the year before), Chief Justice Roberts(disappointing actually, kind of a boring talk), President Hinckley, President Monson, a large smattering of members of the Quorum of the Twelve and Seventy, Greg Mortenson(3 Cups of Tea), Neil deGrasse Tyson, the man Hotel Rwanda was based on, the highest ranking Catholic Cardinal in the USA, and many other people. Additionally, we get a lot of other cool speakers during the week, P listened to the James R. Schlesinger who was the Secretary of Defense under Nixon and the first ever Secretary of Energy(Carter) a month ago and yesterday I went to a lecture by the judge who heard the first Guantanamo Bay case(Osama bin Laden's driver). All of these individuals have given me an interesting point of view on religion, politics, and humanity. However none of this compares to the speaker that we're having next Tuesday, like in a week. We're having...
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...
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CAPTAIN JAMES LOVELL!!!!! OK so for most people this isn't as exciting as hearing from the people listed above. Let's rephrase that, no one is as excited as I am. Jim Lovell is most famous for being the commander of Apollo 13 for those of you who don't know. To give you some perspective on my excitement, I got Apollo 13 in my Easter basket when I was 6. I watched and watched and watched it and can quote it. We have PBS specials on Apollo 13 taped at home and at the cabin that I would watch and I've probably spent more time reading the Wikipedia articles on NASA and the various current and past astronauts' pages(I've edited them). Obsessed? Yes, but hey you have to admit, it's dang cool.

Anyway, so next Tuesday, I haven't told P yet, but I'm planning on him going down to the Marriott Center early to save us good seats(P, when you read this, please!) I'm skipping part of my class right before it to make sure and get there early It will all be worth it though because I get to see and hopefully meet(!) Jim Lovell and get his autograph!

Thoughts for the Day

Just to let you all know, this is all about picking today

Ugggghhh. I've been having a hard time today. This may sound weird to you all, but I have a pimple, middle of the forehead. It's a hard, raised lump, and it's driving me nuts. I never let things get to pimples before, yes I've had infections, but the red infected welts were my own doing. So I was obsessing for a long time over it in the mirror today, thinking of what I'd like to do to it, but I didn't. After I realized I couldn't do what I wanted, I, like any child(too bad I'm older) yelled, "I hate this" and stomped off to my room. P followed me and asked what that was all about. I told him I hated having zits and explained things and I think he was trying hard not to laugh, but he told me he was proud of me and that he couldn't see it. Then he said this, "Your face looks so much better now than it did ever before." You always had big welts from where you'd picked at things that were a million times more notice able than that little thing."

Oh gosh. I always told myself that people wouldn't notice, that I could put makeup over it and it would be fine. Before going out I would always be spackling on foundation and concealer multiple times a day, telling myself that no one could see the bruising, swelling and welts. Yes I'm sure the people who were my friends and love me saw the real me and didn't see only my massacred face.

But yet, I knew you always saw just you all were too nice to ever mention anything. Yes on occasion a child I was teaching swimming too or babysitting would ask about the "owies" on my face and I'd make up something, but anyway that was my revelation for today, something I always knew but like all awful habits, obsessions, etc, I'd justified and rationalized the heck out of it so that it didn't bother me anymore, but no more. So here you go, small pimples are better than fat red welts, so leave them alone and I'm going to succeed.

Happy Thoughts!

I realize that I get kind of contemplative and brooding on here sometime so I think it's time for some happy things, just so you all know that I'd not a depressing nightmare, but really happy most of the time with occasional throwbacks to the maturity of a five year old. So here are some shout outs for the week!

Some things that make me happy:

Teaching, I literally spent 2 hours of my Saturday night planning and making up study guides for my students because I wanted to help them do well on the next test. I get so excited and even giddy when one of them gets something that they were confused about before or I feel a lesson went really well. When I grade tests at home, P has to put up with outbursts of "Yes! he got it" or "Dang it, I know he knows this," or "uggghhh he mixed this up!" Maybe this is why P has started wearing headphones...

Goldfish crackers, love them, and that is the reason I can never ever buy the Costco box, even though it would be much more economical

shopping, confession I have an awful time spending money on myself, I feel that I don't need it or can't justify it, but I have no problem buying things for other people or P though. Anyway, P took me on Saturday(his idea) and I got bobby pins, elastics, really cool super-mini socks for my flats, moisturizer, and a new eyelash curler. yay!

and...

knowing what I'm doing with my life(until I change my mind at least). Next April, I'm graduating with a BS in Physiology and Developmental Biology with minors in Molecular Biology and Computer Science(new change), going to graduate school to get a masters in biology(what emphasis i'm not sure yet) with the goal of being a teaching at the community college level. I'm stoked, litterally. I figured this out tonight and have been beaming all night

Why yes that was me to saw sprinting across campus

So Friday at 5, I had a 5 page art history research paper draft due for a peer review. It was comparing portrait styles in the High Renaissance with those in the Impressionist period by comparing La Muta by Raphael and Portrait of Mary by Degas. I'd read articles about the painting, made notes on points I wanted to address. I had everything done but the actually writing the paper part. So after my work meeting, I went down to the 1st floor atrium of the library at 11 with every intention of banging this paper out. When I write papers, I agonize over ever word that I put in. Is that the best way to say it, or would this be better instead? Consequently, I often take longer than really necessary on essays(don't even ask me how long I spent on my BYU admissions paragraphs)Because of this, I don't always have the most wiggle room for the inevitable catastrophes of life(foreshadowing). True to my form I finished at 4:45pm, just enough time to print the paper off and leisurely walk over to turn it in.

I go to print, but then realized that I didn't have my BYU ID card which is necessary to print on campus. I began to sweat and shake. This paper was a large part of my semester grade, I had done everything and done it on time, and now I was going to be screwed over because I didn't have my card. I called P to see if he could jump in the car and floor it so that I could use his card...no answer. I called my sister to see if she was hanging out on campus, she was driving, 15 minutes away, no dice. Truly panicking, doubtful that I had enough time, but knowing that it was my best option, I ran down to the basement of the Wilk to the campus copy center where I could use my debit card and print it. I waited in line, got on a computer, printed, and paid. The cashier must have noticed my stress because she was efficient and fast(massive kudos to her) instead of chatty like normal(not that this is normally a bad thing). I grabbed the papers, slammed a staple in them, and checked my phone...4:54, 6 minutes left, better than I expected but still, this was going to be tight. I had to do it, all that mattered now was getting that paper in, image didn't matter. To what am I referring you ask? I sprinted across campus. Yes I was that awkward person that we've all seen: hunched over, full backpack bouncing, hurdling around people passing out flyers in Brigham Square(don't worry I still somehow managed to get a flier in my pocket after it was thrust into my face). I ran up the flights of stairs to the third floor to the office and threw it in the secretary's basket. I checked my cell phone: 4:58. SUCCESS!!! I did it! I could have done a touchdown dance.

So the next time that you see that awkward person sprinting across the quad be proud of them, because they have something that they're giving their all for.

Random post note: While I write this I'm making italian herb rolls, chicken diablo(chicken thighs cooked in a honey, mustard, butter, and curry sauce), noodles and green beans, yum!

I know I haven't checked in in a few days, but I'm doing great on my face; I'm happy and doing better than ever before. I've been good for one week, which is huge for me so yay!

Would you like fries with that?

I always wonder what the cashier thinks when P and I order burgers...

P: cheeseburger, ketchup only

Me: Hamburger, extra lettuce, extra tomatoes, onions, and ketchup

We're kind of the odd couple when it comes to eating. I hate casseroles, ground beef(unless in the burger variety) and sauce on pasta. I love raw fruits and vegetables and can't say no to any cookies or anything chocolate in the name. Before we were married, P mainly cooked and ate casseroles, ground beef, and if the pasta didn't have sauce, then it wasn't pasta. He eats veggies only if they're cooked and turned down the macademia caramel chocolate samples at Costco last week(don't worry, I had him go get one just so I could have 2)

And that's only our preferences, we're not even going to talk about frequency or times. Basically, heaven help our children. It's alright though, foodwise we do share one love...

BACON!


Yep, our kids are screwed.

PS I did good today :)

Not the Best Day

So, as the title suggests, not the best day picking wise. I was angry and feeling bad about myself and one thing led to another and I was in front of the mirror... :( Tomorrow will be better.

Silverware Tree

I wanted to share something that I've been working on and finally finished last night.



Pretty cool huh? I have a bunch of silverware sitting around in a box from my pre-married days and one night I decided that it wasn't doing any good in the box, got some pliers and began to play. I love how cold and stylized it looks. I'm thinking about putting a frame around it to have it pop out more from the wall(darn cinderblock) but we'll see. Any ideas?

Solving the Puzzle without the Pieces

Day 1=success. I haven't told anyone about this yet and no one's found it. I posted the link on my facebook "my info" box. Quite honestly, I am terrified of someone finding this because I've put my flaws right out there. I've put myself out there, right in the open. This was always the reason why I never had a blog before, because I wasn't sure I could be open in writing. I like to pretend that I live in a perfect world, hide my flaws and doubts. I'm the master of putting on a happy face and smiling when I feel the world's going to pieces or I'm dying inside. I try not to let people see my struggles and my heartache and at the same time hide my greatest joys. I want people to care enough to solve the puzzle, but I hide all the pieces.

But yet...I do want someone to find this, to make it all worth it, for someone to see my accomplishment, struggle, and be proud of me too. I'm terrified, yet anxious at the same time