Just to let you all know, this is all about picking today
Ugggghhh. I've been having a hard time today. This may sound weird to you all, but I have a pimple, middle of the forehead. It's a hard, raised lump, and it's driving me nuts. I never let things get to pimples before, yes I've had infections, but the red infected welts were my own doing. So I was obsessing for a long time over it in the mirror today, thinking of what I'd like to do to it, but I didn't. After I realized I couldn't do what I wanted, I, like any child(too bad I'm older) yelled, "I hate this" and stomped off to my room. P followed me and asked what that was all about. I told him I hated having zits and explained things and I think he was trying hard not to laugh, but he told me he was proud of me and that he couldn't see it. Then he said this, "Your face looks so much better now than it did ever before." You always had big welts from where you'd picked at things that were a million times more notice able than that little thing."
Oh gosh. I always told myself that people wouldn't notice, that I could put makeup over it and it would be fine. Before going out I would always be spackling on foundation and concealer multiple times a day, telling myself that no one could see the bruising, swelling and welts. Yes I'm sure the people who were my friends and love me saw the real me and didn't see only my massacred face.
But yet, I knew you always saw just you all were too nice to ever mention anything. Yes on occasion a child I was teaching swimming too or babysitting would ask about the "owies" on my face and I'd make up something, but anyway that was my revelation for today, something I always knew but like all awful habits, obsessions, etc, I'd justified and rationalized the heck out of it so that it didn't bother me anymore, but no more. So here you go, small pimples are better than fat red welts, so leave them alone and I'm going to succeed.
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