Perspectives

I know it's been about two months and I have several partially composed blogs written out and to catch up on, but I wanted to share something that I think helps put life into perspective. Enjoy!

What a 4 Year old Should Know

1. She should know that she is loved wholly and unconditionally, all of the time.
2. He should know that he is safe and he should know how to keep himself safe in public, with others, and in varied situations. He should know that he can trust his instincts about people and that he never has to do something that doesn’t feel right, no matter who is asking. He should know his personal rights and that his family will back them up.
3. She should know how to laugh, act silly, be goofy and use her imagination. She should know that it is always okay to paint the sky orange and give cats 6 legs.
4. He should know his own interests and be encouraged to follow them. If he could care less about learning his numbers, his parents should realize he’ll learn them accidentally soon enough and let him immerse himself instead in rocket ships, drawing, dinosaurs or playing in the mud.
5. She should know that the world is magical and that so is she. She should know that she’s wonderful, brilliant, creative, compassionate and marvelous. She should know that it’s just as worthy to spend the day outside making daisy chains, mud pies and fairy houses as it is to practice phonics. Scratch that– way more worthy.

But more important, here’s what parents need to know.

That every child learns to walk, talk, read and do algebra at his own pace and that it will have no bearing on how well he walks, talks, reads or does algebra.

That the single biggest predictor of high academic achievement and high ACT scores is reading to children. Not flash cards, not workbooks, not fancy preschools, not blinking toys or computers, but mom or dad taking the time every day or night (or both!) to sit and read them wonderful books.

That being the smartest or most accomplished kid in class has never had any bearing on being the happiest. We are so caught up in trying to give our children “advantages” that we’re giving them lives as multi-tasked and stressful as ours. One of the biggest advantages we can give our children is a simple, carefree childhood.

That our children deserve to be surrounded by books, nature, art supplies and the freedom to explore them. Most of us could get rid of 90% of our children’s toys and they wouldn’t be missed, but some things are important– building toys like legos and blocks, creative toys like all types of art materials (good stuff), musical instruments (real ones and multicultural ones), dress up clothes and books, books, books. (Incidentally, much of this can be picked up quite cheaply at thrift shops.) They need to have the freedom to explore with these things too– to play with scoops of dried beans in the high chair (supervised, of course), to knead bread and make messes, to use paint and play dough and glitter at the kitchen table while we make supper even though it gets everywhere, to have a spot in the yard where it’s absolutely fine to dig up all the grass and make a mud pit.

That our children need more of us. We have become so good at saying that we need to take care of ourselves that some of us have used it as an excuse to have the rest of the world take care of our kids. Yes, we all need undisturbed baths, time with friends, sanity breaks and an occasional life outside of parenthood. But we live in a time when parenting magazines recommend trying to commit to 10 minutes a day with each child and scheduling one Saturday a month as family day. That’s not okay! Our children don’t need Nintendos, computers, after school activities, ballet lessons, play groups and soccer practice nearly as much as they need US. They need fathers who sit and listen to their days, mothers who join in and make crafts with them, parents who take the time to read them stories and act like idiots with them. They need us to take walks with them and not mind the .1 MPH pace of a toddler on a spring night. They deserve to help us make supper even though it takes twice as long and makes it twice as much work. They deserve to know that they’re a priority for us and that we truly love to be with them.

Meet the Cover Stealer

Meet Pieter-the cover stealer. Needless to say, it was a chilly night.

Failed Recipe for the Win

So ever since the 100 Hour Board posted a recipe for sweet potato soup, I've had a bee in my bonnet to try one. Maybe it was that, maybe it was the fact that sweet potatoes were on sale at Buy Low, or maybe it was an attempt to expand Pieter's veggie repetoire of spinach salads and steamed carrots, not that I'm complaining but adding another thing definitely wouldn't hurt.
Whatever it was, it flopped. Earlier today, I went online and found a vegan recipe (we're out of milk, not that we've chosen that particular diet, though we really wouldn't mind becoming pescetarians...but I digress). Anyway, I was going for a creamy potato soup type of soup. So I chopped up the sweet potatoes and onions, let them boil, then with Pieter's help pureed them, reboiled them and added the spices and took a sip...meh, not really impressed.


Honestly the closest comparison I can give is baby food and I haven't craved that since I was about one and a half. Actually I really don't know any adults that do...with the exception of a certain sister who ate a jar of it to have the jar in order to send Cafe Rio sauce along with a burrito to her boyfriend in the MTC (that's commitment ladies). Anyway, if anyone has a GOOD sweet potato recipe, I want to try it!
PS here's a picture I took of the Golden Gate Bridge this summer :)

Touring Northern California

Impressionist Exhibit at the De Young, Chinatown, Golden Gate Bridge, Lombard Street, A's Game, Golden Gate Park, Winchester Mystery House, Play in Columbia, cabin, Chico

That's just an overview of the things we did this summer. Weekends were definitely busy.

Just some random highlights:

Lombard Street: note to self: don't follow a kid learning how to drive stick in San Francisco...and don't do it in Dad's brand-new car...everything was ok, the stress just added to the experience, right?

Impressionist Exhibit: my parents got Pieter and me tickets to see the exhibit in SF. Basically the Musee D'Orsay is being renovated and they needed somewhere to store all of their paintings: enter a once in a lifetime deal of San Francisco(Musee D'Orsay is the #1 impressionist museum in the world, btw). The first half of the exhibit just left but the second one(Cezanne, Van Gogh, etc) is there until January. We're definitely going back at Christmas! oh, and Pieter liked this one much more than the Dutch painters exhibit that I dragged him through for 3+ hours in Vancouver on our honeymoon, but how often do you get to see a Vermeer?

A's lost...badly to the White Sox and that is all that needs to be said.

Winchester Mystery House: Pieter's a lucky, lucky guy and won 2 tickets at work for tours. Neither of us had been before because tickets are so gosh darn expensive(we're talking $30 a ticket for a 45 minute tour). We went and while the architecture is way neat and it's cool to see what someone did with unlimited time, money, and resources, my overall reaction was meh. I guess I expected it to be weirder and spookier with all of the hype they give it. The story is that Mrs. Winchester was told that all of the ghosts of people who were killed by guns from her husband's rifle company would kill her unless she built 24/7 on her house until she died. The house was supposedly built as a maze/minefield for ghosts with staircases and doors to nowhere and secret passages but I really feel that that was overplayed. There were only a couple of weird things, but building and renovating for 38 year would do that to a house.

Great River: We went to a play in Columbia for my birthday with my parents up at the cabin. AMAZING!!!. Great River is based on the book Huckleberry Finn and was honestly one of my favorite plays that I've seen performed. Plays in Columbia are excellent by the way, they bring in Broadway actors and the theater's really small and intimate. We love it!

Summer Internships

So I know it's been forever. Pieter and I were back home doing internships(which went swimmingly) and, well after spending 8 hours a day on the computer, blogging just didn't happen when I got home...poor neglected blog. Anyway, the internships went really well and barring funding cuts we've been invited back next year(YAY!)

Internships also meant living with my parents and partaking of wonderful homecooked meals, free laundry, and lots of people- it just gets quiet sometimes when it's just the two of you. Anyway, so a HUGE shout out to my mom and dad for making our yearly trek back to California possible.

Cute story from work: Pieter and I worked on the same floor, and to preface this, most of the people who work there are in their 40s/50's. So one day one of the ladies comes to my office and says, "I told someone that I just think it is SO CUTE that our two summer interns are dating!" Someone then explained to her that we were married. Good to know that were still romantic enough to be considered dating.

Another thing from the summer internship, apparently my age is an enigma. Keep in mind this is the same day, same clothes/hair, etc. At work, I got asked if I was almost done with my PhD and then at the Farmer's Market got asked if I wanted to join Viking Youth Cheerleading (which only goes up to 14 years old!) I mean it's not like I wear pigtails with sparkle eyeshadow or a severe bun with a business suit(I actually feel like a case worker when I wear my suit). Anyway, if we could average the two and keep my real age, I'd be fine with that.

Panties in a bunch

So I've got my panties in a bunch right now, so I'm venting it on here, sorry...
It's one thing to be exposed to racism, we all are; it's another to pass it on. When you pass a racist email/video/whatever on, whether you mean it or not you're supporting it, you're putting your stamp of approval on it. I don't care if you think it's funny, you look like an idiotic bigot, and you lose my respect. That's all.

Vanguard

I've recently found something I love on hulu...blessings of the normal season being over. Anyway, Vanguard is a news/documentary show that does unconventional investigative reporting on worldwide issues, some known, most unknown. The reporters who got arrested in North Korea last year were reporters for the show.

So far I've watched shows on OxyContin dealing in Florida, prison politics, prison gangs, tour of Gitmo, trying to popularize toilets in third-world countries and it's kind of addicting. I love the new perspectives and seeing problems and issues that are out there and other people struggle with. Just wanted to share it. :)

FYI though, there is some language occasionally because it's a cable show.

Poor Pieter...

First of all let me start out, poor, poor Pieter. Let me say it again, poor, poor Pieter.

So Pieter cut his own hair on his mission and I've been cutting his hair since we got married. I usually do a pretty good job...usually. Two nights ago was the exception, definitely the exception. Pieter had mentioned that he needed me to trim the back but I'm having a really busy week so it was after midnight before I had time. So I was doing the back but then noticed that there was a patch on the top that needed to be evened up...so without thinking, , I took care of it...
...
...
...
A bald spot appeared and the two of us gasped in horror. I forgot to put the guard back on!

With me frantically appologizing, we did the only thing we could do...shaved him bald...well almost...less than 1/16 of an inch.

Seriously, I did the dumbest thing I could have ever done, I feel so bad! I'm pretty sure I'm firing myself from cutting his hair again for a long, long time.

On the positive side, you really notice his eyes more!

Dear Future Home...

I think I want these for my future house...particularly the first and the last one :)

http://www.techeblog.com/index.php/tech-gadget/5-of-the-coolest-staircases-ever

Granola

So today I made granola...something because I decided that I need a 'healthy' snack(I'll go through a sleeve of saltines within an hour on my own). Turned out pretty good :) Warning though, it's not a cluster-y one, it turns out more fine, but it's still good!

Enjoy!

Cinnamon Granola

4 C old fashioned Oats
1 C shredded coconut
1/4C brown sugar
1/4 C vegetable oil
1/3 C honey
1t cinnamon
1/4 t cloves
3/2 t vanilla
1 C raisins


In a large bowl, combine oats and coconut; set aside. In a saucepan, combine brown sugar, oil, honey, cloves, and cinnamon; bring to a boil. Remove from the heat and stir in vanilla. Pour over oat mixture; stir to coat. Spread in a large shallow baking pan. Bake at 350 degrees F for 15 to 20 minutes, stirring occasionally. Cool. Add raisins. Store in an airtight container. Yum!

Random thoughts of the day

• Crazy snow-may 24th...seriously? and I love the way BYU announces that breaking limbs may have killed your car(don't worry we were safe)
  "Due to the heavy, wet snow, tree branches are bending and breaking - some are falling on cars all over the Wymount Terrace area. Please check your parking stall and move your car if it is being threatened.
  
  We realize you may not receive this message in a timely fashion, but it is the only way we have to quickly contact residents." PS: this wasn't even an email...seems strange that someone on blackboard can spam me and the rest of the people in the class asking me to take their survey with the click of a button but the housing office can't...
  

• I have car envy every time I see an orange car...barring the money issue I'm too conservative to ever do it.
• I got season 1 of American Dreams...thank you swagbucks :)
• We had to order a new charger/cable for my laptop :(
• 4 weeks until home!
• new church calling...I'm excited
• independent study physics...I need to get on it...I'm not very good at self pacing.
• Birthdays up the wahzoo...but I'm staying on top of cards
• dishes and laundry never go away
• if a recipe calls for 10 cups of flour, you should probably half it, even if it is for cinnamon rolls...
• The doctor (wakefield) who did the later found to be false study in 1998 'linking' autism and vaccines(only 12 patients, hasn't be replicated in numerous studies since, the control group was children at his son's birthday party; he claimed they also had bowel disease: 8 of the patients were found to be healthy with no when biopsies were later performed) got his medical license revoked in the UK today!!! The number of children who have died is appalling from their parents not vaccinating because they believed the study and vaccination rates are still lower than before the study because of the persistent belief. Just vaccinate your kids, k?(HPV too, getting a shot...or 3 doesn't make them become a skank) It's totally worth it.
  

WinCo and Paintings

Today was a most excellent day! We woke up late, I quizzed P for his test, P went to go take said test(he thinks he did really well), I went to a java review for the next lab, and then we went grocery shopping. Orem just got a WinCo, and we've heard really good things about it, like their employees own the store through stock, cheap prices, and everyone I know who has one loves it. So off we went! We had so much fun there, ok that sounds really lame, but honestly, their bulk area is the coolest thing ever! You can get any amount of just about anything, if you want one Reese's Peanut butter Cup-no problem, same if you want 25lbs, all at the same rate and they have everything(including a huge produce section)!!! We bought a lot of stuff but resisted the urge to fill two shopping carts like more than a few people in the store. We stocked up cornmeal(sundays we like to make cornbread from scratch with chili) and popcorn and had fun wandering the store. I really get why people love it.
Things I liked
-the previously mentioned bulk aisles
-prices($55) for a full car-score!
-selection
-the smell of coffee beans: they have a huge bulk gourmet coffee area, I really miss that smell in grocery stores
The Not so good
-Don't ever bring your kids here-they have lots of candy and individually prices snack items all at low levels, thankfully the "pull the handle and watch it all pour out" things are up high but huge flats of loose lollipops 2 feet off the ground? Who are they kidding?
-It's kind of far for normal shopping(15 minutes)

Anyway, so afterward we went to go borrow a book for P's linguistics class and ran to the mall to look at some paintings by a local artist; we just realized that we had $100 left from our wedding in Deseret book/visa gift cards; which were getting money taken off them tomorrow(isn't that the stupidest thing that they do that?). Then we made french dip sandwiches for dinner with peanut butter rice krispy treats for desert. Yum!

So after dinner we decided which painting to buy and I went to Deseret Book to get it. P and I are big painting fans. When we were first married, we got a boat on the ocean painting from an estate sale and with some work(it had horrible nicotine stains-my anti-smoking lesson, not that I needed one) by my talented Mom(her paintings are all at the cabin now so probably none of you will ever see them), it's now pretty again. Anyway, so that started our obsession with owning paintings. Anyway, we got a reproduction of "Divine Redeemer" by Simon Dewey, which is one of our favorites. I really love the light and shadowing that he puts in his pictures.

Then we ended tonight with popcorn and strawberries before P got sucked into doing homework and sexist language and the precise differences between 'flaunted' and 'flauted' :) Anyway, I thought I'd share our happy day!

Oh and I realize that I haven't mentioned my face in a long, long time, so I'll just let you guys know that I'm doing better, no mindless, drawnout sessions, but I still pick a little most days, but it's much better and I'm not picking at P, somethings he's extremely grateful for. I think a lot of it has to do with the fact that I'm feeling happier, less overwhelmed and busier(in a good way).

system.out.println("CS 142");

I did it! This semester I'm taking what is for me, the scariest class I've taken yet, but it has the highest potential for reward. I'm taking CS 142: Entry to Computer Programming in Java. The first day of the class, I think I knew what the words "mouse," "keyboard," and "monitor" meant and that was it. So I definitely feel like the underdog in this class every day. The good thing is, the need to prove myself and the feelings of inadequacy are pushing me to work hard and put a lot of time into it. We've just finished the fourth lab out of 11 labs and I'm still alive...I actually have 115points out of 100 points(I can brag on my own blog right?). I keep pushing myself to get every extra point possible because I'm terrified that I'm going to hit a point were I get so lost and fail. So far I've made programs that convert base ten numbers to binary, mutate letters and count the number of characters in a string of words, convert Fahrenheit to Celsius, simulate playing a checkers game, and finally, guess a number that someone's thinking(0-31) of in 5 questions. I just finished the guessing game tonight and made a GUI(pretty, ok a not so pretty, picture) for it! It wouldn't work as of last night after spending all day on it and then I spent all day on it today, including over 2 hours on the phone with my dad bouncing ideas of how to fix my minor but yet major problem(it came down to a problem with global/local variable confusion). We finally figured it out and fixed that, but then realized, 40 minutes before it was due, that one of my algorithms was generating the wrong set of numbers to guess(freaking out majorly at this point). Thankfully we figured it out and P and I sped over to the CS building to check the lab in for 40/30. Talk about shear joy/relief/pride, yeah it felt good! This class is like an emotional rollercoaster, alternating between despair, having no clue what to do, and wanting to scream every bad word in my vocabulary, to pride and joy to the point that I was screaming and jumping around the apartment. Tonight involved both but happily I'm still riding on the high. Now on to the take home exam due tomorrow. Wish me luck!

Texas Isn't a Desert?

So P and I spent the week between winter and spring semesters in Texas visiting his family. I was most surprised to find out that Texas is not just a desert with cacti and snakes but actually quite pretty with wildflowers, trees, rivers, and architecture. Call me naive but somehow I'd never gotten beyond the stereotype. Anyway here are the highlights of our trips:

Window-less Window Seat: I think if you ask P, this was the worst part of the trip, actually, I'm sure of it. P loves window seats and made it abundantly clear that he wanted the window seat, which was fine by me, I'm more of an aisle person, less climbing over people to get to the bathroom, etc. So we were on a Canadair Regional Jet which is a 2x2 seating arrangement(you also have to gatecheck luggage because it's so small-I loved this!). Anyway, so we boarded and P's boarding pass said seat 20D: great, a window! So we walk to the back of the plane to find that P did get a window seat, only without a window! This was the one seat on the plane without a window and the window junkie got it! Needless to say, the 3 hour flight to San Antonio was did not make P's top ten for the trip!


Wildflowers: This is what the roads looked like going everywhere. We stopped and took pictures in them after church on Sunday.

Riverwalk in San Antonio: This was probably my favorite place. We were there on Texas Independence Day, and it was CRAZY. We listened to a guy talk about the battle at the Alamo and then took a tour on the riverboats with a guide from BYUI. We then had the best Tex-Mex EVER! P and I had Enchiladas Verde(and I don't like enchiladas) and it was amazing!

Awesome architecture/optical illusion: Dix Hospital on the Riverwalk. Looks like it's flat doesn't it? I made us walk completely around it; it's really a super angled trapezoid...looks cool though doesn't it?

Aquerena Springs We were about 14 years too late to watch Ralph the swimming pig(the place used to be an amusement park with mermaid shows and the pig), but I think the place being a nature preserve now suits it better. We rode the glass bottom boats and the water was so clear that we could look more than 30 feet down and see the water bubbling up out of the springs below the river. Kind of picture boiling pudding or stew. Anyway, it was really neat!

Floating Down the San Marcos River: We floated a few miles down the San Marcos River in intertubes. The river goes through the middle of UTSM campus and has a pretty good current. P dunked me and all I can say is that it was COLD(don't worry I got him back). I got burnt, of course, after wearing 55spf sunscreen and reapplying, but that's just me. P's family did think it was funny that I made him wear sunscreen since they're all a bunch of brown bears, but I figure if I have to, he's going to too and preventing cancer never hurt anyone :)

Cabela's I usually don't support weapon/hunting related businesses, but we went there to get bait so that P and his dad could go fishing and they have a shooting alley. P's mom and dad got us tokens and not to brag or anything but I nailed 19/20 shots...too bad I'm scared of/hate real guns.

San Antonio Temple Saturday morning we went to the San Antonio Temple with P's parents. It was really great to be there with family and I had never been to a smaller temple before so that was a neat experience. The local businesses aren't dumb either, there's a Great Harvest Bread right across the street :) We got loaves of Challah and Cinnamon Pecan bread. Yum! I picked the Challah and the entire loaf disappeared within a day :)

Wii P's family has a Wii and it was my first time spending time with it and yeah...I'm just not a video game person(sorry future children). I think they're fun for about 10 minutes and then I'm done. Also, personal opinion, but the rationale of getting a Wii because it will help you be healthy and fit, I'm filing that in the same file as people who buy video games for their kids because it will help them have great hand/eye coordination. Sure it's better than only giving your thumbs a workout but there are infinitely better ways.

San Marcos Outlet Malls Our last day in Texas, P and I and his little sister drove out to the San Marcos Outlet Malls. I think they're like the 3rd biggest in the country(maybe?). Anyway, there was a Tanger Outlet Mall next door to a Prime Outlet Mall. P and I got some excellent Chinese food, something we've really been missing(are you listening Provo?). Then we went shopping! We didn't break the bank but got some great deals on clothes from Gap, including my much desired Gap Hoodie, Banana Republic, and Victoria's Secret(get your mind out of the gutter, anyone knows they have the best bras). Anyway, we had a great time and it was cheap so we were stoked!

Lazy Days: Most of our time in Texas was spent just being lazy: jumping on the trampoline, watching movies, playing games, talking, sleeping in, and spending time with P's family. It was great getting to know them better. I'd never spent much time around them before, so while there were some awkward moments(like when homeschooling got brought up, anyone who knows me probably knows how I feel about it. This was a topic that P and I had decided was a good one for me not share my feelings on around his family), we had a great time! I hope they had a good time too. I always worry a lot what people will think of me; like we got 3 hours of sleep the night before we went there. We told everybody that we were up that late doing laundry and cleaning but the truth is that all of that was finished 2 hours before we went to bed. We were up because I was trying to figure out what to pack/wear because I was so worried I wouldn't look good enough. P's very patient with me and my insecurities, just putting that out there. Every night after we had gone to bed, I would lie there and run through the day with P listening, fretting about what hadn't gone perfectly and what I could do better. I hope things went well from their perspective because it did from mine and I had a good time. I hope they know how hard I tried. P is always telling me that I need to assume the best from people instead of the worst. It's my insecurities coming through and I'm working on it. Anyway there's our trip! My first time to Texas and our first airplane trip together!

It's that time of year again...

Finals week...ummm yeah, it's here again and started today with me driving Pieter to campus at 6:30 so that he could be early to his final like he likes. I'm taking Evolutionary Biology tomorrow and then Art History on Monday, tissue bio on Tuesday and fitting in Cell bio sometime before the end of Tuesday. I'm spending today doing a lot of prep work for the finals, prewriting essays, studying, wasting time, etc. At least I'm not like P who has 6 to take by then(at least 2 are religion).

Normally I would be frantically packing and dreaming of going home but this year we're hopping on a plane Wednesday morning and flying down to Texas to see P's family. I've never been to Texas before so I'm excited to check that one off on my states list but a little scared about the humidity and heat. Then it's back to Provo for Spring semester classes. I'm taking the maximum credits(9), but it probably won't be too bad being as it's Pathophysiology, Intro to Computer Programming, and then the last two credits are just TAing for physiology 305. Ok so the first two classes are not easy by any means by that's just 7 credits of classes so I can do it. I have to TA for free or research for free for my major...I think it's just a sneaky way of filling their positions and labs without having to pay for it. P's taking 9 credits as well, but they're all real classes.

oh, and I'm getting my hair cut today at 3; I'm pretty excited, just haven't decided the length/style. If you'd asked me last week, I would have said to have it be a REALLY short pixie cut, but that bee seems to have left my bonnet, I don't know. I'll probably go with one inch below my shoulders, side bangs, layers throughout and thinned...blah. It's what I've gotten since senior year of high school. I feel like that's so boring and I want something new, but I'm just so scared and safe. I'm kind of vain/protective about my hair because I know the color's really unique(just wish I could style it better). Anyway, so I'm just scared to make a mistake on it. Anyway, in 3 hours we'll see :)

Best video I've seen in a long time

I really like this :)

The Daily Show With Jon Stewart	Mon - Thurs 11p / 10c
Conservative Libertarian
www.thedailyshow.com
Daily Show Full Episodes Political Humor Tea Party

Do you ever wish you could apologize?

Are there ever times when you wish you could apologize but you missed your chance?

I have a difficult time apologizing. I'm much better at it now than I used to be, but you can't go back and change things.

So here it goes:

I'm sorry, boy and girl who were talking on there cell phones in the lab that I was teaching in. I'm sorry I yelled at you. To my credit, I didn't know that you just found out that your mom had cancer or that you were talking to your husband in Iraq. All I knew was that you were talking on your cell phones loudly while I was trying to teach. I should have spoken nicer or been more tactful; instead I got angry and that was wrong.

I'm sorry, but you'll never know that because I don't know who you even are. I hate that.

Type 2 Diabetes Paper

I'm having an awful time narrowing down my thesis for my tissue bio research. I've done a ton of research and have a ton of data, just can't focus in on a good narrow, 8 page topic.

Type 2 diabetes is fascinating to me and it doesn't hurt that it's running rampant in the USA, or does it. I think I've learned too much at this point probably for my research paper. There's so much information out there on the subject because it's so widespread and there's tons of funding.

My paper's going to focus on insulin resistance's effects on skeletal muscle caused by elevated cytokines and chemokines. Not that that's terribly important for most of you but getting that out there helps me organize my thoughts.

I'm really wondering what percentage of my class is awake like me right now...not a small amount, that's for sure.

By the way, this is my second research paper for the week and 2 of 4 for the semester. In case you were wondering, in four weeks I should be a pro at this :)

We're going to miss you Naji

Today we had to put my dog Naji down. So yeah, today was hard and it probably won't seem real until I come home in June and she's not running to the door to meet me. I first met Naji in 7th grade when a former neighbor spent the night at our house when dropping her off at the Charles Schultz Canine Companions School(service dog). At the time I was terrified of dogs but for some reason I connected with her and loved her. Six months later the neighbor called to tell us that Naji had flunked out of school(scared of loud noises) and to remind my parents how much I had loved her. My parents agreed to get her for me! We got her in September 2002, one week before I left for Japan for 8 days. A and I loved her and my parents were thrilled that she came with 28 commands--including peeing on command, a definite bonus. Despite her constant shedding, she was a dang smart dog and we loved her for it. I loved to surprise unknowing friends by having them tell her "lap"--she'd jump up on them with her front paws in their lap. When we'd take her for walks she'd drag us for the first half and then we'd have to drag her the last half. She had the most the sad, pathetic, 'woe is me' face when you'd put her in the shower. She defended my baby niece thinking that she was my niece's mommy, not letting any of the men near her.

We loved her. She stopped eating 2 weeks ago. The vet gave her antibiotics but they didn't help. Today she had an ultrasound and the specialist found a huge tumor on her spleen and told my parents that her abdomen was full of blood. He was shocked that she was still walking and had made it so long. My parents then had to make that heart-wrenching decision, one full of love, of knowing that there's something better and no one deserves to suffer, least of all someone so full of love. I'm going to miss her. We all will, even Haley who batted at her tail and chased her constantly. I'm so grateful for my parents who stayed with her until the end, who made the difficult decision of love. Love you baby girl, bye bye Naji girl <3 <3 <3

ABCs on the brain

Ads: We get SO many ads, I think every store within 30 miles sends us inserts every week. I hate it; it's so much clutter!
Birthday Cards: I need to get back to making a sending them...I stopped because I got busy and thought that no one appreciated them, and I put so much effort in them(I guess a lesson for me on the importance of telling someone thank you, seriously it's 2 words people) but I found out that my niece takes it everywhere with her in the car and does the word search on it. Sincere appreciation really makes all the difference doesn't it?
Cell phone: It's acting up, like last week wouldn't keep a charge for a day and then was fine, so much for the indestructible phone.
Decor: I have such an itch to rearrange our furniture, good thing my mom is coming next week, maybe she can help me get it right
Excellent free food: this definitely went above and beyond thanks to 'Choose to Give,' promotions, nice TA's etc, it included 2 Mcdonald's smoothies, 1 hot dog, 1 hamburger, 1 tritip sandwick with chips, root beer, and brownie, 1 large chocolate chip cookie, 1 chocolate bar doughnut with coconut
Family: We had a new addition this week :) see below
Gross: P took the intake vent cover for the furnace off yesterday. More than 2 inches of solid, packed dust *shudders* probably hasn't been cleaned in decades
Hate: I'm sick of being hated by you. I'm not going anywhere. Grow up!
Ice cream: P and I went and got Creamery ice cream(he got raspberry sherbet, yes raspberry)
Jim Lovell: A teacher(not one of my favorites) brought me a flyer from the administration about the upcoming forum because he remembered me mentioning weeks ago how I love Apollo 13. Seriously, it makes my day and I leave beaming when people surprising me by being that thoughtful
Kids: I finally got asked for the first time when we're planning on having kids; Here's your answer: not for a long time guys, we're both still in school and while some people do it, I'm not that good of a multitasker. I want to be able to be there for my kids, for them to be my number one priority. That being said, I'd absolutely love to be a mom but for now it's not the time.
Library: This is where I will be found this weekend if I stick to my plan
Movie: I watched part of the Princess Diaries and had forgotten so many things about it, lol
Naji: She's super sick, hasn't really eaten in over a week, blood tests show super high WBC counts and super low RBC counts...she's on antibiotics now but not out of the woods.
Overlook: it's amazing the things people overlook, so I'm telling you now, you need to take your quizzes by Friday at 11pm, we're not staying here for summer, I'm a redhead,etc so remember and plan accordingly
Pen: I had a friend give me a pen when I didn't have one in class. I didn't ask either; he just saw me digging through my backpack
Quelf: I really don't understand people's love with this game; both P and my families love it. Maybe it's the fact that we played it the first time I officially met P's family and the first card that I drew was 'put ice down your pants and sing ice, ice baby' how would that be for a good first impression...needless to say I didn't do it and took the penalty.
Research Papers: 1 due tuesday, 1 due friday, 1 outline due tomorrow
Sleep: I'm constantly tired, doesn't matter if I get 5 or 9 hours of sleep, I've abused my Circadian Rhythm too long; maybe I need to become like a little kid and start having a set bedtime and wake up time...wait maybe that's called maturity :)
Tate Logan Foussat: Aly had her baby on March 17th, 7:06pm, 6lb 9oz, 19inches, born on my mom's birthday to follow the trend :) Such a pretty boy! Congratulations!
Umbrella: It's raining today :( at least P picked me up from school
Visits: We are booking flights to Texas for the break between Winter and Spring semester so that we can visit P's family
Watermelon flavored toothpaste: did you know know they made that? I want some...
X: alright so I have to cheat here eXams: my students have two exams this week: I hope they do well. I hope they realize how much I care about them. I really really really want them to do well and hope I've taught them enough.
Year: this time next year, we'll hopefully be accepted to grad school and I'll be on my last set of classes, crazy
Zero: number of meals I have made this week...FAIL (nuked baked potatoes and qusadillas don't count)

Popping out of the Newlywed Bubble?

Here's to popping out of the newlywed bubble! Tonight we went and played games with a couple from P's classes. It was really fun and made me think, why are we so antisocial. I swear, you get married and then just stay at home just the two of you all the time and from what I've heard it's not just us that have that problem, lol. So we're going to do better about that, I just get so anxious about the actually inviting part(yes, pathetic) but I'm going to work on that and thank you to friends for inviting us over. That ended what started out as a not so good the day quite well. So did that day start out not so good?

So you could say I got a new perspective yesterday. We live in a college age married ward, so everyone in the ward is newly-ish married and we have exactly one member of the primary. So, basically everyone goes to the adult Sunday school and sits in their little Noah's ark groupings, two by two and with the whole newlywed thing you can imagine that there's handholding, backrubbing, and whispering to each other.

Well yesterday P went home after sacrament meeting because his stomach was killing him(a combination of ulcers/hiatal hernia from the mission and about 3 servings to many of ice cream the night before). This happens about once a month, last semester culminating in a trip to the insta-care for throwing up blood. Anyway, so I was left to go to Sunday School and the rest of church alone. I sat down and the room filled in. Looking around me, I had empty chairs on either side and everyone else was paired up. I got pretty lonely. It was awful. I got sympathy looks others around me, but no one talked to me. I was fighting to keep back tears the whole first half of the lesson. It didn't help that I had woken up angry about other things going on in my life(I'm blaming daylight savings time).

It was then I began thinking of the people from home whose spouses aren't members or don't come to church and how awful that must be to come to church every week alone and sit there while everyone else is surrounded by family and friends. How easy it would be to become bitter or just not go. Those people must be really strong. I really admire their strength and testimonies because it really is hard, lonely, and awful. These people deal with it their whole lives. I'd never thought of this trial that they have and how strong they are just for keeping with the status quo. So here's to them and hopefully I'll be able to be someone who's there for them, to go up and ask how they're doing, even if we always lie and say good or fine because no one should be alone.

Countdown to Devotional

We get a lot of really good speakers here at BYU. For those of you who don't know, BYU literally shuts down every Tuesday at 11(which really sucks 80% of the time). The food places, all the computer labs, and anything else you can think of; they all close from 11-12. During this time, BYU holds a forum and and everyone is supposed to attend or watch on it on close circuit TV. Anyway, as I said we've had some really really cool speakers over the past 3 years that I've been here: Senator Reid(probably an attempt at saving face after having Cheney for graduation the year before), Chief Justice Roberts(disappointing actually, kind of a boring talk), President Hinckley, President Monson, a large smattering of members of the Quorum of the Twelve and Seventy, Greg Mortenson(3 Cups of Tea), Neil deGrasse Tyson, the man Hotel Rwanda was based on, the highest ranking Catholic Cardinal in the USA, and many other people. Additionally, we get a lot of other cool speakers during the week, P listened to the James R. Schlesinger who was the Secretary of Defense under Nixon and the first ever Secretary of Energy(Carter) a month ago and yesterday I went to a lecture by the judge who heard the first Guantanamo Bay case(Osama bin Laden's driver). All of these individuals have given me an interesting point of view on religion, politics, and humanity. However none of this compares to the speaker that we're having next Tuesday, like in a week. We're having...
...
...
...
CAPTAIN JAMES LOVELL!!!!! OK so for most people this isn't as exciting as hearing from the people listed above. Let's rephrase that, no one is as excited as I am. Jim Lovell is most famous for being the commander of Apollo 13 for those of you who don't know. To give you some perspective on my excitement, I got Apollo 13 in my Easter basket when I was 6. I watched and watched and watched it and can quote it. We have PBS specials on Apollo 13 taped at home and at the cabin that I would watch and I've probably spent more time reading the Wikipedia articles on NASA and the various current and past astronauts' pages(I've edited them). Obsessed? Yes, but hey you have to admit, it's dang cool.

Anyway, so next Tuesday, I haven't told P yet, but I'm planning on him going down to the Marriott Center early to save us good seats(P, when you read this, please!) I'm skipping part of my class right before it to make sure and get there early It will all be worth it though because I get to see and hopefully meet(!) Jim Lovell and get his autograph!

Thoughts for the Day

Just to let you all know, this is all about picking today

Ugggghhh. I've been having a hard time today. This may sound weird to you all, but I have a pimple, middle of the forehead. It's a hard, raised lump, and it's driving me nuts. I never let things get to pimples before, yes I've had infections, but the red infected welts were my own doing. So I was obsessing for a long time over it in the mirror today, thinking of what I'd like to do to it, but I didn't. After I realized I couldn't do what I wanted, I, like any child(too bad I'm older) yelled, "I hate this" and stomped off to my room. P followed me and asked what that was all about. I told him I hated having zits and explained things and I think he was trying hard not to laugh, but he told me he was proud of me and that he couldn't see it. Then he said this, "Your face looks so much better now than it did ever before." You always had big welts from where you'd picked at things that were a million times more notice able than that little thing."

Oh gosh. I always told myself that people wouldn't notice, that I could put makeup over it and it would be fine. Before going out I would always be spackling on foundation and concealer multiple times a day, telling myself that no one could see the bruising, swelling and welts. Yes I'm sure the people who were my friends and love me saw the real me and didn't see only my massacred face.

But yet, I knew you always saw just you all were too nice to ever mention anything. Yes on occasion a child I was teaching swimming too or babysitting would ask about the "owies" on my face and I'd make up something, but anyway that was my revelation for today, something I always knew but like all awful habits, obsessions, etc, I'd justified and rationalized the heck out of it so that it didn't bother me anymore, but no more. So here you go, small pimples are better than fat red welts, so leave them alone and I'm going to succeed.

Happy Thoughts!

I realize that I get kind of contemplative and brooding on here sometime so I think it's time for some happy things, just so you all know that I'd not a depressing nightmare, but really happy most of the time with occasional throwbacks to the maturity of a five year old. So here are some shout outs for the week!

Some things that make me happy:

Teaching, I literally spent 2 hours of my Saturday night planning and making up study guides for my students because I wanted to help them do well on the next test. I get so excited and even giddy when one of them gets something that they were confused about before or I feel a lesson went really well. When I grade tests at home, P has to put up with outbursts of "Yes! he got it" or "Dang it, I know he knows this," or "uggghhh he mixed this up!" Maybe this is why P has started wearing headphones...

Goldfish crackers, love them, and that is the reason I can never ever buy the Costco box, even though it would be much more economical

shopping, confession I have an awful time spending money on myself, I feel that I don't need it or can't justify it, but I have no problem buying things for other people or P though. Anyway, P took me on Saturday(his idea) and I got bobby pins, elastics, really cool super-mini socks for my flats, moisturizer, and a new eyelash curler. yay!

and...

knowing what I'm doing with my life(until I change my mind at least). Next April, I'm graduating with a BS in Physiology and Developmental Biology with minors in Molecular Biology and Computer Science(new change), going to graduate school to get a masters in biology(what emphasis i'm not sure yet) with the goal of being a teaching at the community college level. I'm stoked, litterally. I figured this out tonight and have been beaming all night

Why yes that was me to saw sprinting across campus

So Friday at 5, I had a 5 page art history research paper draft due for a peer review. It was comparing portrait styles in the High Renaissance with those in the Impressionist period by comparing La Muta by Raphael and Portrait of Mary by Degas. I'd read articles about the painting, made notes on points I wanted to address. I had everything done but the actually writing the paper part. So after my work meeting, I went down to the 1st floor atrium of the library at 11 with every intention of banging this paper out. When I write papers, I agonize over ever word that I put in. Is that the best way to say it, or would this be better instead? Consequently, I often take longer than really necessary on essays(don't even ask me how long I spent on my BYU admissions paragraphs)Because of this, I don't always have the most wiggle room for the inevitable catastrophes of life(foreshadowing). True to my form I finished at 4:45pm, just enough time to print the paper off and leisurely walk over to turn it in.

I go to print, but then realized that I didn't have my BYU ID card which is necessary to print on campus. I began to sweat and shake. This paper was a large part of my semester grade, I had done everything and done it on time, and now I was going to be screwed over because I didn't have my card. I called P to see if he could jump in the car and floor it so that I could use his card...no answer. I called my sister to see if she was hanging out on campus, she was driving, 15 minutes away, no dice. Truly panicking, doubtful that I had enough time, but knowing that it was my best option, I ran down to the basement of the Wilk to the campus copy center where I could use my debit card and print it. I waited in line, got on a computer, printed, and paid. The cashier must have noticed my stress because she was efficient and fast(massive kudos to her) instead of chatty like normal(not that this is normally a bad thing). I grabbed the papers, slammed a staple in them, and checked my phone...4:54, 6 minutes left, better than I expected but still, this was going to be tight. I had to do it, all that mattered now was getting that paper in, image didn't matter. To what am I referring you ask? I sprinted across campus. Yes I was that awkward person that we've all seen: hunched over, full backpack bouncing, hurdling around people passing out flyers in Brigham Square(don't worry I still somehow managed to get a flier in my pocket after it was thrust into my face). I ran up the flights of stairs to the third floor to the office and threw it in the secretary's basket. I checked my cell phone: 4:58. SUCCESS!!! I did it! I could have done a touchdown dance.

So the next time that you see that awkward person sprinting across the quad be proud of them, because they have something that they're giving their all for.

Random post note: While I write this I'm making italian herb rolls, chicken diablo(chicken thighs cooked in a honey, mustard, butter, and curry sauce), noodles and green beans, yum!

I know I haven't checked in in a few days, but I'm doing great on my face; I'm happy and doing better than ever before. I've been good for one week, which is huge for me so yay!

Would you like fries with that?

I always wonder what the cashier thinks when P and I order burgers...

P: cheeseburger, ketchup only

Me: Hamburger, extra lettuce, extra tomatoes, onions, and ketchup

We're kind of the odd couple when it comes to eating. I hate casseroles, ground beef(unless in the burger variety) and sauce on pasta. I love raw fruits and vegetables and can't say no to any cookies or anything chocolate in the name. Before we were married, P mainly cooked and ate casseroles, ground beef, and if the pasta didn't have sauce, then it wasn't pasta. He eats veggies only if they're cooked and turned down the macademia caramel chocolate samples at Costco last week(don't worry, I had him go get one just so I could have 2)

And that's only our preferences, we're not even going to talk about frequency or times. Basically, heaven help our children. It's alright though, foodwise we do share one love...

BACON!


Yep, our kids are screwed.

PS I did good today :)

Not the Best Day

So, as the title suggests, not the best day picking wise. I was angry and feeling bad about myself and one thing led to another and I was in front of the mirror... :( Tomorrow will be better.

Silverware Tree

I wanted to share something that I've been working on and finally finished last night.



Pretty cool huh? I have a bunch of silverware sitting around in a box from my pre-married days and one night I decided that it wasn't doing any good in the box, got some pliers and began to play. I love how cold and stylized it looks. I'm thinking about putting a frame around it to have it pop out more from the wall(darn cinderblock) but we'll see. Any ideas?

Solving the Puzzle without the Pieces

Day 1=success. I haven't told anyone about this yet and no one's found it. I posted the link on my facebook "my info" box. Quite honestly, I am terrified of someone finding this because I've put my flaws right out there. I've put myself out there, right in the open. This was always the reason why I never had a blog before, because I wasn't sure I could be open in writing. I like to pretend that I live in a perfect world, hide my flaws and doubts. I'm the master of putting on a happy face and smiling when I feel the world's going to pieces or I'm dying inside. I try not to let people see my struggles and my heartache and at the same time hide my greatest joys. I want people to care enough to solve the puzzle, but I hide all the pieces.

But yet...I do want someone to find this, to make it all worth it, for someone to see my accomplishment, struggle, and be proud of me too. I'm terrified, yet anxious at the same time

When You Say No to Something, You're Really Saying Yes to Something Else

Today in Relief Society, the teacher said, "When you say no to something, you're really saying yes to something else"

I really think that's my new mantra for life. Don't get me wrong, I'm not going to become a selfish, do only what I want to do person, but it's really a step to positive thinking.

So here's my big confession. I compulsively pick at my face. I don't tell people and I'm super ashamed of it. For those of you who knew, you know the self-hate and hopelessness that goes along with it. If you had to ask me what I hate most about myself, there it is. I've been doing it since I was about 10 and ten years later, I really haven't gone a day without doing it. Sure, there have been a few times when I've stopped for a few days(trust me a HUGE accomplishment) and last school year, I stopped for 6 weeks, but I fell off the track and now it's back as bad as ever before. I will spend hours looking for problems, real or imagined and attack, trying to (in my mind) fix myself.

OK, so enough about my problem. Here's the deal: I'm going to stop. I'm saying no to picking and by saying no, I'm saying yes clear skin and loving myself; I'm saying yes to being happier and more healthy. I'm believing in myself.

Here is goes, the 30 day challenge; a step to being healthier, to breaking a bad habit and saying yes to being better. I'm using this blog as something to keep me accountable and when I succeed, it will be the thing I am most proud of out of all of my many accomplishments.